Still here
Still here
Wow have things been a little crazy these past few weeks. With school starting I thought I would have more time but not the case so much. Please keep one of my best friends in your prayers. She lost her husband last week and they have two little precious boys. My Uncle Stanley passed away Monday so we have not had much time for air since the start of Sept. I'm ready for some down time just enjoying my family. Life is so short and we forgot this when going through all the routine stuff day in and day out. You would think me of all people would know just how easy we can be hear one minute and then gone the next, so why is it so easy to loose perspective on the things that matter most. It was great to start bible study this week, I'm ready to pour back into the word and this helps keep me accountable to it. I'm co-leading on Tues a new mom study and then Wed just studying the book of James. I'm tired of being flat if that makes any sense. God has brought me so far and in a way I'm numb still from loosing my Nanny..and that was 18 months ago!! I told Josh last night that it seems like we are off the ship and now on the lifeboat, holding on with one hand as tight as we can and holding on to our babies with the other hand just hoping that the waves don't knock us overboard. It seems to always be a mishap, accident, illness, something broken around the house, a repair that needs to be made, a bill due, a pile of clothes on the floor that is a constant visual of how behind I am, along with three little ones that need so much love and care to thrive. Wooo see makes me tired just thinking about it. But here I am writing on my blog instead. And I even feel guilty about that because of what all I need to be doing. Then it hits me, I need to be reflecting more, more on God's promises instead of my own, more on stillness instead of accomplishing, more of laughter instead of tears, and although it sounds so good on paper the reality is, THIS IS SO HARD TO DO! Even though maybe our entire life on this Earth will be spend on a life boat, who says what we should hold onto. God whispers, let go of the handle and hold onto me and my word, let go of those babies and let me worry about how to keep them in the boat. I created you didn't I, I made you in my image didn't I. Why do you wear yourself out until you are weary and weak by attempting to do it all yourself when all you have to do is let go and trust me. Then I think, and I don't have an answer. Just that maybe my faith needs to continue to grow and maybe I'm not pushing myself to trust more and let go of my ways and look to his. God never said this was going to be easy, look at everyone that was a follower in the Bible, not one of them walked an easy path, it is hard, it is going to be hard, and yes there is going to be heartache. The promise is what keeps you going, not the present. We are only hear for such a short time but spend our days day dreaming about what our future looks like here rather than what it will be in heaven. So wow, didn't plan on an entry like this but guess just need to get it out, somewhere, to someone, being a mom is hard, harder than anything anyone could ever explain, prepare, or define. Do you enjoy every single second of being a mom? Do you miss how easy things use to be? Time to do what you like? Hobby? ha what is that? If only they would just do what I say!!But then the next second I find myself having the time of my life and feel so fulfilled. I think when reflecting this I can picture God feeling similar about me as his child. When I'm being selfish, or not of his ways and listening to him, he probably thinks, ooo brooke what makes u think you should ask for that, why do u think it always has to be this way or that way, forgive brooke, let go brooke, wait on my timing, because I said so,trust me, no you can't have that, rest or you will pay later, and then he thinks "this is hard" "this isn't what I envisioned in the Garden"! But he loves me, just the same! When I touch others through his spirit, or share his grace and mercy, or just spend alone time in worship, I know he feels it is so worth it in the end. I will be with my father someday, not for a short time, but for always! That is the beatuy of it and why I'm so thankful he has blessed me with three little lives that have already changed my life in more ways than I could have ever imagined. Not something that just hits you one day but a life long walk of lessons that lead me closer to him and to depend on him so in the end it can be what God first envisioned. Praise the Lord, for he is Good.Enjoy the pics!
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